this one is going to be all over the place, so fasten seatbelts, please...
not that this has anything directly to do with anything, but i'm reminded that tom lehrer, (that was the year that was), in his spoken-word preamble to "national brotherhood week", observed that "i'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another, and i know there are people in the world that do not love their fellow human beings, and i HATE people like that." the logical thread for you to pick at, if you even care to try, would be how quickly things can become about us.
one of the side benefits to trying to be a better person is enjoying those rare moments that follow a (suprisingly) thoughtful word or gesture. i add the word "surprisingly" in parentheses, because there seems to be a decidedly different consequence when the thought is anticipated or, dare i say it, expected. (but that's off on another tangent, so let's stick to serendipitous sweetness for a moment, shall we?)
if you've been following my personal calendar, you might recall i was to spend part of this morning at the orthopedist's. (it's always nice to be first out of the blocks in the morning at the doctor's office, since there haven't been any predecessors to muck up the schedule and keep you waiting, isn't it?) well, between the early moments first in line filling out forms, to the simultaneous arrival down in radiology with the radiologist's coffee (dunkin donuts--i hear it's quite good), to the return visit upstairs to be the first of the day to gain an original diagnosis from the orthopedic oracle (yes, there is indeed something wrong in there), to the return trip to radiology to be first in line at the mri tube, it seemed that i had opportunity to be the first patient in everybody's day. it wasn't planned, nor even likely, observing that i had started my day not at the orthopedist's, but rather at my own personal version of mcartney's dr. robert's, but my sunny disposition seemed to play coincidentally well everywhere i went, and it was contagious--contagious to the point where i went out of my way to personally thank the likely-i-thought thankless office staff for how pleasant they had made my experience getting all poked and prodded and radiationally processed. i was sincere, and they were all smiles to hear it, and, i should add, they quite earned it, and it was the least i could do under the circumstances. (good karma can be fun).
i'm pleased to observe that things being about others can be emotionally constructuve (or, at worst, pleasant for everybody concerned), while i'm also reminded that things being about us are quite often emotionally destructive (or disaffecting at best). for fun, i think i'll replay all the things i've thought, written or said this past week, along with all the things suspected, read or heard from others over the same span of time, and imagine both how things could have been, had they been handled differently, and also what this might offer for learning experience. i'm suspicious i'll wind up musing about how we all remain the quarterback of our own personal life's team, and the agents of our personal life's milleu. nope, i'm not in the business of handing out any sort of advice, feedback or criticism--you all can draw your own conclusions--but i'm just saying that karma seems to me this morning less a promise about reaping what is sown, and more an admonishment to DO (or accept what's done by others and/or ourselves), rather than to dwell upon and/or lament what's already been done.
for example, take yon knee. (the orthopedist at least acknowledged that what remains of it still resembles such, so i'll use the word). i stepped foot on the soccer pitch, but my opponent crashed into my knee. some might want to weigh the karmic balances to determine a "winner" in the explanation/blame sweepstakes, but i've felt, regardless, that the knee is what it is now and there's little point having emotions or philosophical discussions about it--it is what it is. had the positions been reversed, perhaps there would be a guy walking (limping?) around cursing me and what i had done to him, but there isn't, and there IS a guy walking (i don't limp ;-) around feeling pretty good about himself even while he's learning all sorts of new things about menisci, and how their avascular portions lack the means with which to repair themselves or regenerate. nope, nobody's going to get me to feel sorry or regretful or negative about what has gone on before, (which isn't to say i don't regret or forget the wrong that i have done to countless others), and i'm resolved to follow a little more mcartney and just "let it be" once it's been, whatever "it" might be. what i choose to do from this moment forward is what really matters in any given moment anyway.
i'll pause for a second to observe the irony that, being the agent of so many others' destruction, i'm now surrounded by a plethora of people for whom everything that is important has happened TO them, and, even more than that, happened to them in the past. it's as if, by being sick, i've infected everyone with whom i've come in contact, while the process of transmitting my disease to others has left me in a state of remission. they all seem to want me (and perhaps certain select other people in the world) to know of their pain, as if achieving a confirmed diagnosis of cause along with a confirmation of suffering, even if it can't help cure, somehow ratifies or recognizes their condition and thereby does something for it. or something like that. i'm sure were i to share this theory with others, the responses would set me straight on how badly i've misread all this... (and what's that all about?)
of course, you know what (and who) *this* must be all about...