contemplation

a close friend noted that i've been contemplative lately, and i couldn't disagree. (and you know how i otherwise love to disagree). there was a hint of concern there, which i attributed to the contemplations displacing the recently-frequent expressions of satisfaction and happiness, which, there being only so many thoughts one can squeeze into a sentence in any given moment, isn't hard to understand. from my contemplative perspective, it made perfect sense.

i still live amidst countless moments of great joy, simply walking in my neighborhood. a new neighbor and i had beers and requisite piles of deep-fried bar food this past sunday while watching the celts at our favorite neighborhood joint in the company of a brother and sister who had grown up right here in shangri-lowell. it's worth noting that my neighbor is saying "shangri-lowell" now, too, while our table-mates weren't able to be so unabashedly ecstatic and proud just for the privilege to be here. after they left, my neighbor and i had to muse on why that might be so, because neither of us could really understand it. he has my *identical* enthusiasm for this town, and lists *all* the same reasons. the neighborhoods, the ball park, the restaurants, the feeling of now that permeates the potential...

it's very hard, it would appear from both observation and personal experience, for most people/us to feel happy. one hint of this is that they're/we're tuned into expressions of it from others to the point where it feels like they're/we're highly sensitive to the sounds of blooms coming off of roses, as if, it would seem, (contemplative editorializing now), to feel ok that they're/we're kinda nonplussed, themselves/ourselves, too. apologies for all the slashes, which i know many of my more-literate readers abhor, but, honestly, it's hard to know how to write it because it's hard to know which way is right.

i'm happy. i'm divorcing a woman who is profoundly unhappy, and i'm involved with any number of friends going through personal/professional/financial difficulties (sorry for the slashes again) that cause them to feel unhappy, too. i feel their pain, because i've known it all first-hand at so many points in my life that it's become part of me, even when it's not. but it's hard for the contemplative, happy man to do what he knows he must do (which is *not* to try to fix things for others, because that only makes things worse in the end) while he feels so strongly in his bones and in the fiber of his very being that he knows happiness and where to find it.

i would have said "how to find it", but, honestly, as they say in real estate, it's "location, location, location". nope, i'm not insisting that only people who live in lowell can be happy, but i am saying that i'm convinced that finding your place in life is the first key. my neighbor understands it the same way, and i'm not saying that just because he's here with me right in the heart of shangri-lowell. we build our edens of social networks, and social capital, one brick at a time. i think to myself, if people were smart, they'd also study the science of opportunity cost, so they'd realize that every choice they make to allow something to stay in their life is causing something better to be held at distance. but we all cling to the familiar and wonder why we are unhappy...

i think we need to have faith that if we are happy, happiness will continue to be attracted to us in our lives. lucky for us, too, that this is really the way it seems to work. in my contemplative way, i realize that my greatest charity will be towards those whose lives are burdened with real problems, to help lessen those burdens so they can begin their own virtuous circles of happiness and redemption. i'm torn by my own limitations of means, and the sobering realization that example is the best i can do, in case anyone is able to follow. but that's not such a bad thing, either, because i get to be happy while i'm doing it.