...not as i do

ever been harangued for a year or two on the subject of rebound relationships related to divorce? you know, lectured at some length every few weeks over the evils of confusing the children, and imposing your selfish choices on them, since your spouse "knows" that you won't be able to help yourself?

yeah... that. :-)

so the email arrives today with the suggestion that friday she'd like to, you know, introduce the kids to him. and me too! (ain't this the summer of entertainment). wouldn't it all be great if we could show the kids everything is ok?

a couple of things i've noticed about myself in my immediate reactions:

1) the time suggested would interfere with getting to boardinghouse park early enough to get good seats for the wailers show. (which is to say, sure, i'd love to meet him, but let's make it early so nobody misses out for the concert).

2) the "boyfriend" premise is pretty disappointing when you get right down to it. (which is to say i could really get excited about "fiance", what with its potential impact on my alimony obligations, but anything short of that is really just a tease).

so i typed back the requisite polite and cheery response, asking, "gee, could we make it earlier?" and i eschewed the "what about all that rebound and i'll be the one to be engaged in six months stuff?", as well as held off asking the "is it serious?" stuff, because that none of that could possibly end anywhere good. (oh, the things we wish we could say). i'm pleased to report that i'm really quite ok with having her make the first post-separation relationship mistakes, since the downside risk that they won't turn out to be mistakes only positively improves my chances for her remarriage and my freedom from alimony. ( of course, i'm not so silly as to ever believe that alimony-free thing will ever happen short of my sixtieth birthday, when the separation agreement suggests i'm to be made free, and, in fact, i'm quite sure i'll be receiving letters from lawyers right around that time suggesting we need to renegotiate because, as she's always fond to point out, "what if it isn't enough?")

and if this all sounds cynical and you're tempted to be worried about me, please, listen to what i'm really saying. i've got spinners tonight after my massage and myofascial release, (her latest study, and everybody ought to have their own regular masseur or masseuse), spinners tomorrow, the wailers on friday with my kids, and a trip to nyc with them on top of that. i'm still possessed enough of my innate sense of humor to see the funny bits in all of this, and though committed to remain aware of how these things might impact the kids, not inclined to begrudge anyone their shot at happiness. people, after all, ought to be happy, and giving our children a good example to follow is the best we can do.

so, make it 4pm on the meet and greet, and i'm good.