there's unforgiveable, there's fun, and then there's this one
sometimes, when there's no way to choose the best version of a gag, you just take the kitchen sink approach. (seth meyers riffing on peter sarsgaard's and maggie gyllenhaal's nuptuals being a case in point--seth went through three different weekend update news headline versions before he delivered my favorite--"they wrote their own vowels"). other times, when there simply isn't room or patience to list them all, (face it--every news outlet in the country is all over this one, from the inquirer, which broke the secret DNA confirmation, to the times, which is claiming to have inside knowledge of a planned public confession), you just have to give it your own summary and be done with it. (and, like all the best ones, this one is literally too much to make up):
per andrew young, erstwhile john edwards campaign aide, whose professional dedication extended beyond simply facilitating edwards' extramarital affair with rielle hunter, to actually stepping in to claim parentage of the issue of said extramarital affair--not only is our man john the true father of said issue, but johnny has further promised the mother of said issue, aka his mistress, his side squeeze, his furniture dealer, (no joke--edwards' PAC sent her production company a check for $14,086 for "unused video tape" the same day johnny boy wrote one to his PAC in the amount of $14,034.62 for a "furniture purchase"), that as soon as his cancer-stricken wife was dead the two of them could get married on a nyc rooftop with a special guest appearance by the dave matthews band.
oh, no, you simply cannot make this stuff up.
yes, this is one special man. my favorite anecdote of pure avarice is how edwards had inquired of his campaign finance chairman, fred baron, after publically declaring his willingness to take a paternity test, if fred would be a mensch and check to see if he could turn up a physician willing to fake one.
but, you know, as with most things, the best part is always found once you sit down and think about it, just for a moment. and i know this makes me a bad person for being amused to think it, but there's a conversation you know johnny boy is going to have to have with his evah luvin (not) wife regarding that part about "when she's dead", and you know it's going to be a hum-dinger.
edited to add, and added thanks to a special friend who enjoys these things even more than i do: did you know that john edwards is originally from south carolina?
no, you simply cannot make this stuff up.
per andrew young, erstwhile john edwards campaign aide, whose professional dedication extended beyond simply facilitating edwards' extramarital affair with rielle hunter, to actually stepping in to claim parentage of the issue of said extramarital affair--not only is our man john the true father of said issue, but johnny has further promised the mother of said issue, aka his mistress, his side squeeze, his furniture dealer, (no joke--edwards' PAC sent her production company a check for $14,086 for "unused video tape" the same day johnny boy wrote one to his PAC in the amount of $14,034.62 for a "furniture purchase"), that as soon as his cancer-stricken wife was dead the two of them could get married on a nyc rooftop with a special guest appearance by the dave matthews band.
oh, no, you simply cannot make this stuff up.
yes, this is one special man. my favorite anecdote of pure avarice is how edwards had inquired of his campaign finance chairman, fred baron, after publically declaring his willingness to take a paternity test, if fred would be a mensch and check to see if he could turn up a physician willing to fake one.
but, you know, as with most things, the best part is always found once you sit down and think about it, just for a moment. and i know this makes me a bad person for being amused to think it, but there's a conversation you know johnny boy is going to have to have with his evah luvin (not) wife regarding that part about "when she's dead", and you know it's going to be a hum-dinger.
edited to add, and added thanks to a special friend who enjoys these things even more than i do: did you know that john edwards is originally from south carolina?
no, you simply cannot make this stuff up.
Labels: politics
posted by kad barma at 8:56 PM
2 Comments:
Kad,
Pretty wild, indeed, from just about any angle you take it. The terminally ill wife and the gentleman's "future plans" really put the whole thing over the top..
..and as to the vulnerability hobbyhorse I keep jumping on regarding public figures and sex scandals, you can start to see it here with the payoffs and (inept) cover-up attempts.
To jump gears: Also worth mentioning that it's become clear Senator Ensign and/or his wealthy father basically paid what we could call hush money. Ensign can call it whatever he wants, but he must think people are all either dumb or naive not to see through what happened with his mistress' family. Also look at what happened to Rick Pitino -- I know he's not a pol, but still a public figure, and got pretty badly exploited by someone who found his, uhh..vulnerability.
*Public* figures who want to have their cake (gleam and glow of the spotlight) and eat it too (lecture others to mind their own beeswax) might want to reconsider the decision, and find a nice private law practice somewhere..
best,
gp
The ones who frost me the most aren't the ones who prefer their privacy--the ones who frost me the most are the ones who insist on hectoring others about the same things about which they are themselves guilty. At least Johnny hasn't committed that second most unpardonable sin--he's just an asshole, not a constitutionally dangerous asshole.
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