with a golf club?
the national enquirer runs a piece about a new york night club hostess (who claims she was in melbourne, florida "with clients" at the time the enquirer suggested she was with the tiger, and i'm still trying to figure out what kind of nightclub hostess travels to florida "with clients", but i digress) and then two days later both mr woods' mouth and his car window appear to have come into contact with a substantial object that may or may not have been one of his golf clubs.
ok, elin claims to have done the window (anyone remember that scene in monty python and the holy grail when the woman they were attempting to burn as a witch said that she had been dressed like that by the mob, to which eric idle, as only eric idle can, said "well, we did do the nose") in a valiant effort to save her evah luvin, whose car had nudged the tree at the end of their driveway. (though not hard enough to set off the airbag...)
yeah, that's the ticket.
he bumped his mouth during the accident, which caused him to lose consciousness in his locked vehicle, for which it was easier for mrs. woods to return to the house to retrieve a golf club rather than the spare set of keys, and then she smashed the rear window in a heroic effort to save him...
don't these things have onstar?
don't husbands leaving houses peacefully at 2:30 in the morning, who have not been drinking, by the way, have what it takes to avoid the various neighborhood fire hydrants on their way out?
oh, to be a fly on that wall...
elin, just fess up. you had enough, took a poke at him hard enough to bloody his lip and send him out of the house in a huff, and then had just enough time to get a good swing at the back window with a golf club (how deliciously ironic) on his way out of the garage, distracting him just enough to veer over the hydrant and into the tree, at which point onstar and everybody's sense of "holy shit" took over, and it was realized that it was time to call the cops before the neighbors did.
just tell 'em you were standing up for yourself. lord knows there are plenty of disaffected spouses who will back you up on it.
and, geez, tiger, you sure can pick 'em.