real things
i was surprised to inadvertently touch a conversational third rail today with a friend i respect and admire by using the word "real" in a sentence in modification of a shared love. it was, unfortunately for the conversation, describing only my particular view of the world and what's real in it, and like is so often the case with so many things, from PC operating systems, to music, politics and religion, things didn't seem to go very well from there.
in the end, i have only my own perspective with which to live, i guess, and i certainly would have chosen a different word had i known, but i didn't, so i didn't, and now here we are.
i am sincerely sorry...
but beyond who is sorry and who is offended, what, after all is said and done, is actually real? (after all, it's all only about right answers to the engineer).
in this case, i'd say it's everything we each believe, and, i guess because of that, neither. at the very least, i can speak from current experience that it's possible to be completely sorry for the hurt caused, yet not so much moved in opinion by it nevertheless, nor confused about what i remain to believe is real.
let's just say that it's a very sad day all around.
the whole thing wouldn't be worth dwelling upon, except that my day began causing hurt over my peculiar perspective on veterinary medicine, (do not expect any time soon for any pet of mine to receive a joint replacement, cardiac surgery, or chemotherapy), that never fails to wound those who devote more extreme care to their animals. (and i use the word "extreme" advisedly, because, just like "real", it's the one that always gets 'em going). it's the last thing i'd want to do, (i.e. stir up further painful emotions in someone currently beset by the painful emotions surrounding an ailing pet), but it seems to be the first thing i'm compelled to do...
behind all of it today--every short word, and ill-chosen--is the hole in my heart where my friend used to be, who would never have said either or any of it to anyone.
damn it all.
it hurts most to be humbled by the truth that i'll never be the man he was or that i wish i could be, and this world loses better each and every day than i can aspire.
i'm sorry, and it makes me both sad and frustrated.
but not confused--what's real is what we feel.
in the end, i have only my own perspective with which to live, i guess, and i certainly would have chosen a different word had i known, but i didn't, so i didn't, and now here we are.
i am sincerely sorry...
but beyond who is sorry and who is offended, what, after all is said and done, is actually real? (after all, it's all only about right answers to the engineer).
in this case, i'd say it's everything we each believe, and, i guess because of that, neither. at the very least, i can speak from current experience that it's possible to be completely sorry for the hurt caused, yet not so much moved in opinion by it nevertheless, nor confused about what i remain to believe is real.
let's just say that it's a very sad day all around.
the whole thing wouldn't be worth dwelling upon, except that my day began causing hurt over my peculiar perspective on veterinary medicine, (do not expect any time soon for any pet of mine to receive a joint replacement, cardiac surgery, or chemotherapy), that never fails to wound those who devote more extreme care to their animals. (and i use the word "extreme" advisedly, because, just like "real", it's the one that always gets 'em going). it's the last thing i'd want to do, (i.e. stir up further painful emotions in someone currently beset by the painful emotions surrounding an ailing pet), but it seems to be the first thing i'm compelled to do...
behind all of it today--every short word, and ill-chosen--is the hole in my heart where my friend used to be, who would never have said either or any of it to anyone.
damn it all.
it hurts most to be humbled by the truth that i'll never be the man he was or that i wish i could be, and this world loses better each and every day than i can aspire.
i'm sorry, and it makes me both sad and frustrated.
but not confused--what's real is what we feel.
posted by kad barma at 3:47 PM
1 Comments:
It is all a journey and if you move just a little bit you are an inspiration to the rest of us. Funnily enough, in Class last Monday evening one of the Short Stories we discussed was "The Real Thing". On the drive home I concluded that we had missed the real "real thing" in the story, which was the devotion of Major and Mrs Monarch to each other. It could as well have been Major Monarch and his sister, or his sister-in-law. It wasn't about sex, but about the sense of mutual deference and leadership, or so it seemed to me.
But, then, I am just the student; but then aren't we all.
Regards — Cliff
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