dear mike
we'll leave our stranded american bible belters in the hands of their booze, drug and prostitute-addled somalian pirate captors for a moment, and take you now to the home front, where "dear mike", aka michael hayden, as he often does in the local paper of record in place of actual local news, entertains queries from the homeland:
"dear mike," this one begins, "my 28-year-old irresponsible son thinks life is nothing but a big party..."
of course he does. we learn through the body of the letter that said son was put through, all expenses paid, an exclusive private school as well as his pick of the ivy league, though "the only jobs he has landed have been summer jobs, lifeguard, park ranger, nothing that would require any heavily [sic] lifting". (yes, the sun's editors are still working tirelessly on our behalf). but the payoff comes near the end: "we [the writer's wife and himself] are starting to fight over this [debating whether or not to throw said freeloading ivy-league educated son out on his ass] every night because he is coming home at all hours. last weekend, we found his [sic again] passed out in his bed with two women".
i can't take it any longer. do you have any suggestions?
(oops, that should have also been repeated in quotes, as it's not only the first couple of sentences that comes to mind, but also the close to the letter).
mike recommended counseling for the not-nearly-so-proud-anymore parents, and a quick showing of the door. me, i would spend just a little bit more time on the public ridicule before getting to the boring stuff.
first of all--and i have to start here before getting to the real issues on the table--you know this guy is a loser, despite all his fancy sheepskins and sports trophies, because he's going home with not one but TWO women who like to go home with unemployed guys living with their parents. i mean, seriously. who does that??? (there are obviously three sets of not so proud parents here).
the real point, however, is that you have to know that this has followed years of "my son goes to... and how about yours?" and "my son go into... and how about yours?" and "my son graduated from... and how about yours?", all coming out of the mouths of these two (the parents now) winners since the whole train wreck began back in '82. i was just in dallas this past week, and daily reminded of the joke that "there was once a guy from texas who went to harvard... he didn't know which one to talk about first", and you know that goes double for his parents. i know it's uncharitable, but you know you know people like this, and i'm guessing there will be more than a few of you, given the lifeguard and park ranger clues, who will know exactly who we are talking about here. i went to high school with an entire town full of them.
so mike says kick the kid out and don't look back, but i would suggest it's far too late to fix what's really wrong here, because it all quite obviously began long before said freeloader was even a twinkle in his mummie's and daddie's eyes. if mike really wants to help out, he should ask the questions we all want to have asked, (like, "did he tell the girls it was his parents' house?"), and then publish the names of the two chippies in question as a public service to unemployed guys everywhere who might still be living with their parents. (overprivileged scions of the hopelessly clueless need love, too, you know).
you just can't make this stuff up.
if you're working for a living and feeling the crunch in your wallet or pocket book these days, just consider that glory boy's classmates from his ivy league party school are the ones infesting your government and your local investment bank, and they're hardly any more responsible about their s*** despite perhaps not having mom and dad looking over their shoulders at who might be in their bed in the morning. ;-)
or, put another way: we'd be better off having children of illegal immigrants putting themselves through school with the help of our tax money than this kids like this getting their free ride. (if you don't agree, then you don't realize what's really expensive in this world). yeah, we'd ALL rather have the deserving children of actual citizens putting themselves through school with the help of our tax money, and i'm with you 1000% on that. but the candidates would seem to run out pretty fast, and there would seem to be an entire generation of american kids in dire need of a clue, not to mention a better set of parents.
(never forget that both john forbes kerry and geo dubya bush went to yale).
"dear mike," this one begins, "my 28-year-old irresponsible son thinks life is nothing but a big party..."
of course he does. we learn through the body of the letter that said son was put through, all expenses paid, an exclusive private school as well as his pick of the ivy league, though "the only jobs he has landed have been summer jobs, lifeguard, park ranger, nothing that would require any heavily [sic] lifting". (yes, the sun's editors are still working tirelessly on our behalf). but the payoff comes near the end: "we [the writer's wife and himself] are starting to fight over this [debating whether or not to throw said freeloading ivy-league educated son out on his ass] every night because he is coming home at all hours. last weekend, we found his [sic again] passed out in his bed with two women".
i can't take it any longer. do you have any suggestions?
(oops, that should have also been repeated in quotes, as it's not only the first couple of sentences that comes to mind, but also the close to the letter).
mike recommended counseling for the not-nearly-so-proud-anymore parents, and a quick showing of the door. me, i would spend just a little bit more time on the public ridicule before getting to the boring stuff.
first of all--and i have to start here before getting to the real issues on the table--you know this guy is a loser, despite all his fancy sheepskins and sports trophies, because he's going home with not one but TWO women who like to go home with unemployed guys living with their parents. i mean, seriously. who does that??? (there are obviously three sets of not so proud parents here).
the real point, however, is that you have to know that this has followed years of "my son goes to... and how about yours?" and "my son go into... and how about yours?" and "my son graduated from... and how about yours?", all coming out of the mouths of these two (the parents now) winners since the whole train wreck began back in '82. i was just in dallas this past week, and daily reminded of the joke that "there was once a guy from texas who went to harvard... he didn't know which one to talk about first", and you know that goes double for his parents. i know it's uncharitable, but you know you know people like this, and i'm guessing there will be more than a few of you, given the lifeguard and park ranger clues, who will know exactly who we are talking about here. i went to high school with an entire town full of them.
so mike says kick the kid out and don't look back, but i would suggest it's far too late to fix what's really wrong here, because it all quite obviously began long before said freeloader was even a twinkle in his mummie's and daddie's eyes. if mike really wants to help out, he should ask the questions we all want to have asked, (like, "did he tell the girls it was his parents' house?"), and then publish the names of the two chippies in question as a public service to unemployed guys everywhere who might still be living with their parents. (overprivileged scions of the hopelessly clueless need love, too, you know).
you just can't make this stuff up.
if you're working for a living and feeling the crunch in your wallet or pocket book these days, just consider that glory boy's classmates from his ivy league party school are the ones infesting your government and your local investment bank, and they're hardly any more responsible about their s*** despite perhaps not having mom and dad looking over their shoulders at who might be in their bed in the morning. ;-)
or, put another way: we'd be better off having children of illegal immigrants putting themselves through school with the help of our tax money than this kids like this getting their free ride. (if you don't agree, then you don't realize what's really expensive in this world). yeah, we'd ALL rather have the deserving children of actual citizens putting themselves through school with the help of our tax money, and i'm with you 1000% on that. but the candidates would seem to run out pretty fast, and there would seem to be an entire generation of american kids in dire need of a clue, not to mention a better set of parents.
(never forget that both john forbes kerry and geo dubya bush went to yale).
posted by kad barma at 9:56 AM
2 Comments:
There you go, picking on "W" again.
I am against "throwing" the kid out, but I wouldn't be against "forcing" the kid out. Now is the time for the parents to set limits and if the son isn't willing to accept them then he should be told to find alternative living arrangements.
On the other hand, it isn't like the kid is the victim of a bad marriage and suffering from some form of PTSD. That would be a totally different kettle of fish.
The parents need to set limits and let the chips fall where they may. And they do need some professional help for their own inability to communicate and come to good conclusions.
Regards — Cliff
To indulge your sweet tooth, I'd have picked on the reality TV personality from Alaska, but the lack of an Ivy connection spoils that option. Yale, on the other hand, stands responsible for 8 of our sitting senators including JFK referenced above, and these beauties, too:
* Just nuke 'em Joe Lieberman
* Sheldon lets-hope-not-Whitehouse, National Journal's second-most liberal Senator
* Amy just-say-no-to-free-trade Klobuchar, who coincidentally bookends that with support for the "Protect America Act", aka the de facto repeal of the 4th amendment
* Sherrod Brown, who conveniently once forgot to pay $1700 in owed unemployment insurance premiums
* Bill Nelson, self-proclaimed "leading Senate expert on NASA"
Harvard only managed five, though gains an asterisk for also spawning Barney Frank over in the House, plus:
* Al Need-I-Say-More Franken
* Chuck Schumer, of whom Bob Dole once observed that "the most dangerous place in Washington is between Charles Schumer and a TV camera"
* David "I like prostitutes" Vitter
* Jay "I'm for Clean Coal" Rockefeller
I'm concerned with neither throwing or forcing--I'm for legislation protecting the rest of us from the consequences of an Ivy education. (Maybe they have room in Gitmo for a few of the worst?)
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