?quien es mas macho?

go daddy (my website provider of choice which has absolutely nothing to do with this, other than giving me a chance to sound all responsible-journalism for you) CEO bob parsons is taking more than a little PR heat these days for his blog and photos of him standing next to a bull elephant he has self-reportedly killed. as you can imagine, PETA is braying for his scalp, and branding him "the scummiest CEO of the year"--even making up the award itself on the spot in honor of the outrage. a distant second on the hyperbole, though no less outraged, change.org has described the video (of villagers in go daddy hats butchering the animal afterward) as "gruesome", and "an elephant snuff film".

first of all, did you know that elephants are far from an endangered species in south africa, zimbabwe and botswana? i didn't, before i read into this whole brouhaha, but it's true. the best logical analogy i might draw from closer experience would be the deer population here in new england, where an absence of natural predators and other long-gone curbs to their fecundity has them on the verge of permanently upsetting the natural balance of the ecosystem through sheer weight of numbers. (you read a lot about things like lyme disease, but not always that its the ubiquity of the deer that all these deer ticks are riding to their place in the lymelight, and, yeah, ok, that's a bad pun...) in the case of the elephants, it's not hard to imagine the impact on other wildlife who are being eaten out of sustenance by the voracious and vegetation-hoovering pachyderms, and a little digging uncovers ample evidence that something needs to be done to protect both human and animal foodstuffs. (they do tend to trample, too).

any animal activist not a complete hypocrite has to acknowledge that mitigating elephant population explosion and responsible utilization of the natural resource (meat, ivory, etc.) are not "inhumane" in this context. those villagers in the go daddy hats do not always eat well, and nobody living in a central-heated, central-plumbed palace dining on their supermarket bounty should have a whole lot of criticism toward how these people eke out their living. however, here's where me and the hunter ethos have to diverge:

wired online has a recent story on an intrepid bunch of thrill-seeking do-gooders who have the macho angle on bull elephant killing all figured out. shoot the intelligent and otherwise innocent monsters of deforestation? that's for pussies. these folks head out into the back country with elephant tranqs, portable cranes, and some of the most massive medical instruments ever needed to be invented, to do nasty things to the private parts on the biggest bulls they can find. no, these folks aren't pansies hiding behind the point of a gun. these folks are zeroing in with bang sticks full of etorphine. these folks are then maneuvering and inserting 5 foot long intubation tubes and hoisting those multi-ton masses of elephant flesh up on makeshift cranes. these folks are then wrangling 3 foot long laparoscopes to mess around with monster cutting tools and stainless steel sutures in hopes of cutting off the next generation of elephants between the twinkle in their father's eye, and the, um, more passionate embrace of their no-longer-to-be mother.

THAT's macho. guns? they're for little people without imagination or panache.

PETA et al. should stop their sissy whining and turn this into the testosterone contest it should always have been. want to impress? you know what you have to do.

"the free market system"

corollary to the previous (or next if you're reading in blog order) post is a brief riposte to the citation of a "free market system", purportedly the only thing that can save us now. (or something like that). upton sinclair wrote a few words on the subject, and i think we all (conveniently) forget that it was the labor movement, not the "free market", that created the prosperous middle class in this country from our historical polarization between "haves" and "have nots". (did you see the legislative proposal of maine's paul lepage to take down the state department of labor's mural for its "one-sidedness" in favor of--gasp--labor?) yes, we do have a problem with socialism in this country, but deregulating banks didn't exactly have the outcome we preferred, now did it? "free markets" are useful forces, but they have to be understood in relation to the public good, or they are merely vehicles for monopoly and corruption. what we really want are FAIR markets, not ultimately "free" ones. "free" leaves sausage factories to poison their customers in pursuit of profits. fair requires food to be safe, and holds providers to a legal standard. "free" leaves corporations to shell-game their profits overseas and escape paying taxes. fair requires them to contribute proportionally to the benefits of doing business here. i heard a joke recently: a union worker, a ceo and a tea partier are sitting at a table in front of a plate with a dozen cookies. the ceo takes eleven of them, and turns to the tea partier and says "watch out for that union guy, he wants half of your cookie". i heard someone retort something about "but who owns the oven and provided the cookies?", and i had to reply that, actually, the ceo got the oven via government (i.e. our) grants (did you see that fidelity is pulling 1100 jobs out of massachusetts after cashing the government incentive checks not to do that?) and the union guy baked the cookies, but it's all really rather the same. sapere aude

band camp prevents terrorism

nods to lowell's own d-tension and his classic track "how to prevent terrorism" off his latest collection, wack music for dope people, but this one isn't about terrorism, or band camp for that matter, but the bizarre notion espoused loudly by some people that welfare (i.e. state-sponsored socialism) is the magnet that fills our census with non-white (aka non-desirable) americans, and unbalances our federal budget. yeah, i've paraphrased badly and unfairly, but, see, now at least we're talking about something, instead of doing everything we can not to talk about it. and, though i won't out the author unless he prefers, i'll lift the comments taken recently from another city blog here, so you can judge for yourself how my paraphrasing skills are doing: I have become completely convinced that the fortunes of empire rise and fall on the decisions of a small number of men, and occasionally, traceable to ONE man. This was posited in this way by Dr. Rufus Fears, Oklahoma State University in his excellent course, The Lessons of History. That the hispanics, or the blacks, or the yellows continue to become more plentiful in the demographic game probably has much less to do with causing or determining outcomes than with the way the outcomes look.In American history, one can easily identify men, or small groups of men, who have had benchmark effect of the course of American socioeconomic progression through time.The decisions made by the current idiot in chief, along with those of his minions, are setting the stage and may very well have already irreversibly propelled us from a free market republic to a socialist dictatorship.The basis for my theory is that in order for the Republican dream to evolve, the free market must be not only operable, but vital. Currently, it is in decline as a result of the sharp loss of our means of production. This is exacerbated by policy decisions delivered and enforced by a Congress, and now joined by a sympathetic Administration, whose fundamental philosophies are collectivist in nature and deed.The American society, given more and more to hedonistic orientations and academic discourse about what has been done and/or should be done, is, at the end of the day, not given to decision or palpable resistance to the current political decisions. The boiled frog comes to mind once again....and may in fact be emblematic of the situation in which the American society finds itself. so, just so we're clear, i do not disagree with the writer that congress and the past and present presidential administrations have colluded to create a de facto socialist state. they have. (what else do you call the wall street "bailout" and our federal pension/healthcare system aka social security and medicare/medicaid). i do, however, disagree that this somehow has anything to do, either chicken or egg, with the shifting demographics towards "hispanics, or the blacks, or the yellows", or such in relation to the consequence of the insolvency of our federal purse. one more time, because idiots (and by this i do not mean "idiot in chief", but, rather, those who enjoy to use the phrase) seem completely unable to grasp this premise: immigrants are not citizens, meaning they do not qualify for social security or medicare/medicaid. however, immigrants are payroll tax-payers, meaning they do find themselves required to contribute to our social security and medicare/medicaid funds. we'll stop here to leave space for the spluttering retort that immigrants are welfare spongers and not payroll tax-payers, but we will conveniently forget for the same moment that the loudest complaint against immigrants these days isn't freeloading, but, rather, "taking american jobs", and give you all a moment to contemplate having and eating ones argumentative cake... so, where were we? oh, yeah, our insolvent federal finances. so social security, medicare/medicaid, and defense are busting our budget. it's the truth. and if you cut every single "discretionary" program, including funding for NPR, you STILL wouldn't be able to offset the federal deficit without hacking into the holy trinity of entitlements. so who is cashing all those social security, medicare and medicaid checks? hmmmm??? not immigrants. and, not for nothing, but i've posted links to this analysis before, and i'll post it here again, and instead of correlating presidential politics, you can substitute the size of the various states' immigrant populations and expressed attitudes toward such, and compare dollars of federal spending vs dollars of federal income tax collected by state. it makes perfect sense to me, because immigrants pay into the system but can't take anything out, but you can draw your own conclusions. http://www.taxfoundation.org/research/show/266.html wake up, people. the enemy is us. apologies for the formatting, but, apparently, blogger wants to deny me paragraphs in addition to the absence of capital letters...

duh

nat hentoff and a bunch of other people (myself included) are trying to make human sense of the recent brutal and grotesque slaying of an infant and family in (pick one) occupied/israel's west bank.

actually, the way you pick 'em is the way you see it, and it leaves me exhausted and in despair that those who cheer things like the use of white phosphorous weapons against civilians, and the protracted going-on-FIFTY-year incarcertion of going on TWO GENERATIONS of arab palestinians (not to be confused with the israeli sort) in conditions of extreme poverty and privation in gaza and the west bank, continue to use phrases like "israel's west bank" and not see how one necessarily creates the other.

i don't even want to assess blame. i don't want to know whose side has been aggrieved the most egregiously. i'm willing to take on faith that someone's side has been aggrieved the most egregiously, and, if you insist that it's your side, then that's just fine with me.

so what do we do about it now. obviously, from the atrocities perpetrated by the "other" side--you know, the side whose side has not been aggrieved the most egregiously--aren't stopping. there is, of course, the eye-for-an-eye ethos on which to fall back, (the favorite among both sides), and i can't help but go back to marvin gaye and the carpenter who inspired him to say that "only love can conquer hate".

i don't know any more eloquent way to prove it than to look at the outrage and vitriol spawned on both sides of this intractable string of alternating atrocities, and i don't know any more incontrovertible way to prove the futility of that outrage than to point directly to the intractable string of alternating atrocities.

yeah, i know, your side doesn't commit atrocities--they just respond reasonably to the unreasonable atrocities of the "other" side.

how's that working out for you?

the limbo souls

repeat readers here will doubtless recognize that the various incarnations of the carl johnson this-and-that, and the arte-k whosamacallits, and the peter lavender etc's carry an extremely common thread, or series of, who would be carl johnson, arte kenyon, peter lavender, steve esposito and justin beaulieu. it's not like the rest of us haven't figured it out, (you see them one time and you know), but it's taken until last night at the skybox in tewksbury for the five of them to start calling themselves (even if only in half-jest) a band.

the limbo souls.

there was one among many signature moments during their set last night when peter started singing lyrics that were unmistakably carl's to a bass line that was pure arte, and all the smiles around the table at which i was seated told the complete story. it was a song that had never been played in public quite this way before, and this would never any longer be a bunch of guys playing each others material--this is a band writing and bringing life to their own, and some of us lucky ones were where when.

who knows how long 'til you see the name on the playbill with the kind of reliable regularity which lets you plan your life around their gigs, but you can see a major portion of the outfit down at 31 main in ayer on saturday night if you're curious. no, it won't be the limbo souls--peter won't be there--but it will be 4/5's of lowell's new heart and soul, and it'll be great.

quotes of note

thanks to the daily show for digging out this 2007 quote from then-illinois senator barack obama:

"the president does not have power under the constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation".

what a difference an election makes, or, as lord acton better put it, "all power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely". hard to know where on the sliding scale barry sits today, but it's clear he's even further down the slippery slope than dubya was four years ago, and, not for nothing, but i'm holding the righties responsible for their own frustration here, as it was their boy dick cheney who engineered the doublespeak "justifying" the whole crock of geopolitical shit. or, as lord acton also better put it, "there is no worse heresy than the fact that the office sanctifies the holder of it".

want to hear some more of john dalberg's precocious genius? "the issue which has swept down the centuries and which will have to be fought sooner or later is the people versus the banks". yes, we all know it's true.

but it's this one of his which seems to carry the most relevance today, and which has me contemplating who we are, and what we are doing in this world of ours:

"liberty is not the power of doing what we like, but the right of being able to do what we ought".

we know we are able. so, will we ever?

i almost did a bad bad thing, but didn't

this afternoon it has been my privilege to be the first to see linda mccluskey's "middle street" here in its home city. well, second, actually, since guy lefebvre at the lowell gallery stretched and framed it before i got to gaze on it, but i'm claiming to be the first civilian on the scene, and nobody can ever take that away from me. there was that moment, holding it in my hands, where i couldn't help but calculate all the people who knew i had it, and who would have to be dealt with in order to sell my "i have no idea what happened to it, but, no, you can't search my apartment" story to the police. oh, how i love this piece!

it's, to me, the most remarkable piece linda has yet done. the mood and the reflection of you know it has to be melvern taylor in the window is note-perfect. (you can catch melvern with matt berlin playing duo at toad in cambridge day after tomorrow to see what i mean). it's a moment-defining piece, and you have to see it in its full size (23"x70") to truly appreciate it.

and, to truly appreciate it, you don't have to wait even more than a few short hours. the "looking at lowell exhibit", of which it is a centerpiece, runs between tomorrow (march 23rd) and april 30th at the whistler house museum of art on worthen street in beautiful downtown lowell, massachusetts. here's a shameless cut and paste from the whistler house web page all about it:

Looking at Lowell
Exhibit runs - Mar 23 to Apr 30, 2011
Reception - Saturday, Apr 9, 2011 2-4 pm

Join us for a visual tour of the City of Lowell exploring the sights that are commonly overlooked. Looking at Lowell is a juried exhibition featuring the Architecture, Landscapes, Festivals, Rivers, Canals and People of Lowell that make this city a home to the artist in everyone.

Artists include: Mari Jae Benning, Donna Berger, Bill Berry, Adrien Bisson, Teri Bonatti, Ed Bray, Elaine Carboneau-Dutton, Norm Caron, Todd Casey, Christopher Casey, Nita Casey, Tony Cerra, Jean Curley, Linda Demers, Gary Destramp, Annabelle Eidelman, Arthur Ferrier, Meredith Fife Day, Claire Gagnon, Bill Giavis, Tom Gill, Irene Goddu, Jack Holmes, Susan Jaworski-Stranc, Janet Lambert-Moore, Ann M. Lee, Helene Levasseur, Janice Lind, Andrew Lucas, Richard Marion, Robin Martell, Linda McCluskey, Barbara Nolan, Mary Rose O'Connell, David Phaneuf, Joe Quinlan, Joe Radwich, David Rees, Ellen Romanowski, Kathy Rubado, Laurie Simko, Don Sullivan, Ken Wedge, Ashley Welz Smith, Margo Williams, Diana Zipeto

get there!!!

"irritating public holidays" ???

over on the richard howe blog tony has linked something patently offensive from marjorie arons-barron in poorly-worded support for responsible fiscal policy.

we all prefer solvent and responsible government, and this isn't my point. my offense is taken at the characterization that bunker hill day, evacuation day, and other local public holidays are "irritating".

irritating???

when we observe the spread of an insistence on democratic ideals around the world today, (egypt, et al.), as if such were an inalienable right, we are witnessing an historically unprecedented shift in power from despotism and oligarchy towards the ideals first established (FIRST established) in these modern times by the colonial farmers who pioneered this very land in which you and I are fortunate to live. the pause to reflect, and to observe and recognize the sacrifice and struggle which has made all this possible today, can not be an "irritant" if we are to continue to live free--these are obligations for us to value and preserve our heritage as "the last best hope of earth", and our responsibility of freedom's stewards to never forget.

it is a very near thing that we are free today in our homes, built on the blood sacrifice of patriots who walked the very streets we do today. lexington and concord (Patriots Day) were earth shaking events. farmers stood to take fire from the day's greatest standing army in the world, and did not flinch. (not only did they not flinch, they won the day without central command or organization beyond the brotherhood in arms to rise together when the call arrived, and put their lives on the line for their families and their countrymen). Bunker Hill was the aftershock that set the tsunami in permanent motion. that standing army poured all its discipline and firepower into a line of free men, and they did not falter--they returned better than they got, and inflicted such casualties that even by abandoning the field and retreating to securer positions when they ran out of ammunition they were acknowledged by the world and by their enemy to have won an astounding victory. all this enabled henry knox the time and opportunity to retrieve siege pieces and cannon from 100 miles away in the dead of winter, without roads or wagons, and place them on the heights ringing the occupied city, and force its evacuation (Evacuation Day) and repulse the stain of tyranny from this countryside forever.

irritating???

we here in the great commonwealth of massachusetts enjoy the privilege to decide our own public fiscal policy. inalienable rights, self-evident truths, and the last best hope of earth were dreamed and made live here by farmers walking the same lanes that we here have privilege to stroll free. if we, the custodians of this legacy, cannot even pause to teach our own children the meaning of these things, and take each appropriate day in the calendar to reflect on the earth-moving events taking place here on our soil, what claim do we retain to these ideals as our own? of what purpose is our government, solvent or not?

lexington and concord (Patriots Day), bunker and breeds hill, (Bunker Hill Day), and the successful siege of boston (Evacuation Day) are the seminal battles to the american revolutionary war, and can only be “irritating” to those who would sell their freedom cheap and forget the sacrifice which earned it for them in the first place. public finances are a serious issue, but demeaning and diminishing our good fortune to be in the position to decide our own can not be trivialized in this way without losing something precious in the process. yes, we have to better set our holidays so that we are delivering fair and responsible government for the benefit of all, and at a tax rate that we can afford. perhaps these are no longer paid for government workers, as they are not paid for me as a private employee. but we set the wrong precedent, and we send the wrong message, to pretend that these are not huge movements in the fabric of our world, and deserving of great respect and solemn, celebratory observation.

marjorie should be ashamed to put it that way, and tony should be more careful when linking such, without making better point of what is supremely important.

"the best duran duran album in 25 years"

as far as i'm concerned, saying something like "the best duran duran album in 25 years" is much the same as saying something like "the best pleather couch you ever stuck to". you may say you like plastic seating surfaces, but the rest of us all know you're both lying and out of your mind.

go ahead. compare and contrast these posers with, say, spandau ballet, and find me something unique and compelling to say. these here are the jamokes who hired fashion designers to perfect their "image" and vied with culture club and wham! for pop supremacy in an era when even andy warhol had become a caricature of himself. (spandau ballet had a reunion album in '09, in case you just can't get enough of this kind of stuff).

i honestly never got it. billy idol, i got. (even when he was dissin' zep). i even bought a couple simply red records. but when you talk about the second british invasion, all i can recall are hair atrocities (anyone remember flock of seagulls?) and the sounds of insufferable caterwauling to inane lyrics that even celine dion would blush to cover.

in every generation there are those who cause others to despair aloud that rock and roll might be dead. now these guys would like to submit themselves as the cause to multiple, and i just have to laugh. no, i haven't listened to the album. no, i would not like to borrow your copy.

i did a bad, bad thing

the "les femmes" exhibition at the all arts gallery on sunday was an excellent take, and you should make your plans to get out to see it before it closes on april 11th. i know you must also find it hard to believe i'd voluntarily go anywhere without a PA system and a live band, but here i have the photos to prove it, and, not for nothing, but you should also take all this as the most definitive endorsement a guy like me could make. but, yeah, about the photos...

the artist was not there at the gallery to give permission, and neither did the curators know the best answer to my question related to these specific pieces, but i'm presuming that amy boger is at least going to give me a chance to remove them if sharing them here offends. i absolutely loved her series of clay sculptures, "babes with backbone #1, 2 3 and 4", and am taking the liberty of sharing a grainy cell phone snap of them here, because they are remarkable. the bad news is that they are marked "NFS", (which i'm presuming means "not for sale"), but the good news is that you still have a couple weeks to make the effort to get down to see them and all the other wonderful pieces at the exhibition.

go!

were you worried?

here it is well after noon, and you've yet to hear how i survived my most recent tyngsborough carl johnson six day weekend. you'll be pleased (i hope) to know that i've survived it quite easily and well, and so am hardly concerned that there might be a little snow in the air today. monday is the off day, after all, and i got two (count 'em!) convertible cruises in during the weekend, so i have no complaints whatsoever.

random review notes include the addition of a new singer and fiddle player to the goodtime string band lineup, and i was a very bad fan to not get the exact names before they wrapped for the show. her vocals were remarkable, and his playing was sweet--you really should make the effort to catch this outfit and soon. (of course, that's not news that needs to be told to the elbow to elbow crowd that was packed into fortunato's to hear them--if this is the lowell music scene on a sunday afternoon and early evening, it's going to be an incredible summer, and the addition of rickie lee jones to the boardinghouse park lineup for august 12th only emphasizes the point).

the rest will only seem like more bragging, so i'll spare you in deference to the coming attractions instead. (though i will digress to pass along a friend's review of the preservation hall jazz band show at symphony hall in boston on saturday night, complete with apologies for appropriating without citation, but, well, i always assume people would prefer not to be associated with these ramblings if all all possible: "preservation hall jazz band at symphony hall. there are no words. i cried through most of the show". i'm very sad i had to miss it. the reviews from the other goings-on i missed from saturday night, which would be the house-party-dance-party, were equally roofless).

anyway!

this week's six-day weekend kicks off, as usual, on tuesday night at voices rock club. this week carl johnson has invited, as i have repeated to EVERYBODY since last friday's show, the hottest bass player on the planet, aka miss claire finley, aka lady b, to join him for some special sets, in addition to the presence of the peter lavender band atop the bill. i know arte k will be in, as will, of course, carl, in addition to peter, so we'll still have to wait to see if steve esposito will be gracing the lineup on keys, and who might be sitting in on drums. (i'm presuming steve is a yes, as would be justin beaulieu, though that's just speculation right now). this is lowell's best lineup right now with LOADS of new material, and you owe it to yourself to see the dress rehearsal before coming down to see them again on thursday night at the skybox in tewksbury. (carl and arte and peter are three of the best songwriters in the city, and their new collaborations are even more amazing). yes, I KNOW, I KNOW, this means that you will have to choose between them and melvern taylor at toad, AND the bruins/canadiens game, but you can rationalize that melvern's recent (temporary?) move to haverhill gives you a reasonable excuse for a one-time skip, and there's tivo for the sports, so there you have that.

oh, and, speaking of skips, i didn't mean to leave out wednesday night's open mic at the back page with ed'n me, aka ed newton and nicole ribaudo!

as for friday, well, this one is special for me, and i'm proud to say i have near-front row tickets to see leon redbone at jonathan's in ogunquit, maine. i am already and long since been seduced, and if you haven't heard him, seen him, or dreamed that there is someone out there who can do all this, then you simply have not yet dreamed about living. my favorite of his may very well be marie, but he does what he does with ain't misbehavin, and i can never resist that one, either. (this last video is from last summer's show at the bull run). as mick would perhaps paraphrase it, it ain't rock and roll, but i like it.

saturday i'm once again out of town, as the first training session of the spring soccer season, aka party at the manager's house, is on, and i'm in. you will hopefully forgive me for leaving the musicians to fend for themselves for one evening. (and if you know of anything happening on sunday, my calendar is still open, though with amy speace doing a show at club passim with jill andrews on monday night, i may need to take at least one breather lest next week's six day weekend become this week's thirteen day weekend).

see you out and about!

where old bills go to die

in the morning, when i clean up the pile of crumpled bills from the table, tossed there after having been stuffed in my pocket the night before in change from what have you, i have come to notice that i can always tell the difference when i've been out in shangri-lowell--the bills, especially the singles, are worn to a remarkable degree like you rarely see almost anywhere else.

anywhere else, the bills are crisper and cleaner and obviously not so well-traveled or oft-traded. reflecting, i think it's because, elsewhere, people have things like credit, and credit cards, which lessen the number of times they need to reach into their slimline wallets and extract a single or a pile thereof. here in lowell, life is real, and all that much closer to that last dollar, faded and worn, that comes out of the pocket both grudgingly and longingly for that last pack of smokes.

i like the feel of the used bills. they're softer, and they tell a much better story about those who carry them than any barely-creased andy jackson "suburban single" ever could.

can't wait to drop a very few of 'em where they come from, and where they belong, at furey's later tonight. shirley lewis knows.

band camp prevents terrorism

this one does NOT pass the 14 year old daughter test. it's not suitable for work. it's not suitable for anywhere but your earbuds, and even then, you gotta be careful because breaking out laughing in some of the public spaces described in this uniquely amazing verbal pastiche isn't your best plan, either. it's just the best CD of the year. that's all. that's all.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/wack-music-for-dope-people/id426786740

X

sunshine for a sunshiney day

try this and try not to smile and feel like dancing along:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXvJ8UquYoo&feature=player_embedded

restaurant recommendations, city edition

i was just asked by a newcomer to recommend some local restaurants for a visiting parent, and i practically jumped through the telephone with excitement to recommend all the eats in downtown lowell. i realize this list is going to be woefully inadequate and patently unfair because it's going to miss so many good options and lean unabashedly towards my personal favorites, but i figured as long as i was compiling i ought to be sharing, so here goes!

i'll also pause to observe that i do know that "adventurous" is not for everyone. i know a lot of folks like a menu full of food they recognize, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. (this is also further complicated by the fact that in a city like lowell, "food they recognize" varies just about as widely as "food", but i'll take it from the cliche middle-american perspective that is the lowest common denominator i can think of, and work out from there). folks also might prefer a full wait staff and bar, so let's divide these into categories that can help narrow the choices, since getting out of a restaurant with the greatest meal you've ever had for $10 is just one of many laudable objectives when it comes to eating out.

the best meals i've ever had in the city of lowell (tied) are between viet-thai, (vietnamese), downtown across from city hall, and phien's kitchen, (laotian), out on westford street in the highlands. yes, phien's kitchen is not downtown, and otherwise out of consideration for inclusion in this little beauty contest, but if you haven't stopped in there for a meal, you are sadly the poorer for it and have no idea what you are missing, and i simply can't resist the shout-out. no tablecloths or fancy decor, and cash-only at the till, but some of the most amazing food anywhere at any price, and when you factor in the price, you won't be able to believe you've hit that kind of jackpot. and by all this, i do mean, anywhere and for any price. the larb can be made as spicy as you can stand it, and the food is hot and so fresh you will almost drown in your own saliva on the first whiff of it. i'm partial to the beef tongue, (remember this is the "adventurous" category), but right here and right now i will tell you that the purple sticky rice for dessert is going to be one of those things you remember for a long, long time, and you could feed it to the most finicky child or set-in-their-ways old person (there are no palates harder to please than the very old and very young) and they would love you forever, and clamor incessantly to go back. phien's kitchen--almost to tyler park, and out of this world. this is one of those places to which if you have a gourmand for a friend, and want to show off, you bring them. and if you bring your own wine, (i bring my own beer, but that's me), you can have a three-star michelin taste experience for not much more than just the change rattling around the innards of your sofa.

of course, if that all sounds like too much or too far to go, don't forget viet-thai. best vietnamese spring rolls i've ever had, and the fried calamari appetizer ROCKS. i go for the pad ke or mee pad noodles, (your choice of mix-ins and heat), but you can't miss anywhere on their menu. and it's right across from city hall, and newly expanded so there's always a seat. bring a party of 10, and offer to pick up the check--i'll bet it isn't much over $100 all-in--and they'll all believe you're incredibly rich, and incredibly tasteful.

of course, mentioning these two places it's necessary to point out that, as passionate about these two as i am, there are many equally passionate fans regarding the southeast asian restaurant on market street, and i honestly can't fault their tastes either. not byob, (i believe they serve beer there), southeast asian adds to their essential deliciousness the convenience of being able to sample from not only vietnamese and laotian, but burmese, thai and cambodian, too. another winner.

in the interest of time, and your diminishing patience with my verbosity, here's more of the list with less commentary:

columbian: delicias paisas right over the bridge on bridge street. another asterisk for not being technically downtown, the empanadas are not only just a buck, but to die for. the special plate with the pork belly and every kind of protein you can imagine plus a fried egg on top is amazing. not so much english, but well worth the effort to point and gesture to some of the best food around.

italian: ricardo's can't be beat for authentic lowell history (kerouac drank there under previous name and ownership) and for portion sizes, and the flavors are all there, too. it's busy, so reservations might be prudent on weekends, but the jazz is pleasant and the service very, very good.

greek: i'm an athenian corner guy, and i know that there are plenty of olympos people around town, but i'm taking the asterisk on technical downtown-ness here, and going with the folk festival barbecue tie-breaker. you also can't beat the music on thursday nights where a greek guy, an armenian guy and a turk all play together in what has to be one of the most eloquent expressions of new-country people overcoming old-country politics anywhere in the city or anywhere else for that matter. they also had steve o'connor's book signing the other week, so there's that, too. on the table, their bread is the best in the city, and that alone makes it a must-go for me. the rest of the menu rocks, too.

portuguese: friends is very, very nice. quiet, savory and delicious. (mmmmm, linguica and chorizo!) very reasonable prices, too. nice little date spot.

brazilian: i've got to take an asterisk with this one, because i understand taboca's went under new management recently, but even if things have slid since the zenith, there is everything to love about endless brazilian barbecued meat on a sword coupled with a bountiful buffet of every kind of salad and fresh fruit and vegetable you can imagine. (mmmmmm, buffalo cheese).

traditional american: cobblestones is what most folks think of when they think of a top-notch and quintessentially american restaurant. you've got your steaks and your salads and your complete bar experience, and in an ambiance that impresses every time. gracious building. attentive, friendly wait staff. good food. it's a great place, and a great restaurant.

japanese/sushi: this genre polarizes like none other, and i can't for the life of my understand why. etsogo serves up sushi that takes no back seat to what you'll find in new york or san francisco, and if you haven't tried their dynamite appetizer (that's what it's called, and that's what it is--"dynamite") you haven't lived yet in downtown lowell. it's served warm, and they respect it too much to allow you to order it to go, so GO! it's amazing. there's of course an asterisk to those who like the mood and the cocktails at the blue taleh, but solely on the merits of the sushi and not the drinks, etsogo wins for me. (though blue taleh is not a bad second to have, if seconds there must be--i'd happily enjoy it every time if it were the only option).

french: la boniche is the top nosh in the city, and if you want the best service and food in the city, and can afford the freight, this is your destination. this is the kind of place you go for special meals with special people, and they'll always make sure you feel like you got every penny's worth. (too bad i can't eat there every day...) you'll definitely impress your gourmand friend with this one as a follow-up to phien's kitchen.

mexican: mr jalapeno gets the nod here for authenticity. and they have big trouble play every year for a benefit. and the food is awesome. of course, if the category were expanded to encompass tex-mexican, then mambo grill would share the nod here for general deliciousness, or when only an over-the-counter burrito will do. and you can sit down at the mambo for the frequent music, too. the beauty of both being right across the street from each other is that you can know you want those flavors, and still head out without having to make up your mind until the very last possible moment.

pizza and subs: i'm a sammy's guy, and i'm a sammy's guy because their calzones are the cheesiest and most delicious to be had anywhere, and that's how i roll. the pizza is greek style as opposed to italian, which causes me to mention espresso pizza for that, (i'm all about the crust, and espresso's crust is the real deal), and if it's decadence from a deep fryer you want, then i'll also mention suppa's across the river in the heart of umass lowell's north campus for a steak stick, which is all the ingredients from a cheese steak sub, wrapped in pizza dough, and then submerged in the fry-o-lator until it become pure love on a plate. (they all deliver, so all your bases can be covered).

chinese: this one is important--china star on broadway just past the market basket is worth the trip. (and they deliver, of course). chinese restaurants are often like fast food burger joints in terms of the gustatory predictability and mediocrity. unfortunately, many of us forget what a real burger tastes like (more on that in a second) and what real chinese food ought to be. yes, i know, real chinese food in china is not what we've come to consider real chinese food here, but, that point aside, china star takes a huge leap ahead of the competition in terms of freshness, tastiness and variety. (you can buy pork belly by the pound, and whole roast ducks for two more extreme examples). this one is it as far as i'm concerned, and nothing else comes close.

honorable mentions: speaking of burgers, the beer works is behind the tsongas, and a bit of a walk, but their burgers and other food (the nachos are ENORMOUS and enormously good) get the boost from the good, fresh beer, so make it worth the effort. centro is universally praised, but, believe it or not, for all the eating out i do around here, i've yet to get to try it myself.

have some favorites of your own you'd like to mention? add a comment!

fun with polling numbers

thanks to my friend scot for linking this one:

some fun-minded pollsters at public policy polling have added charlie sheen to their list of 2012 presidential election questions, and the results are hi-larious. holly bailey over at yahoo news (where i get all my good AP content these days--there's a reason i was over there, honest) summarized many of the best bits here, but i won't discourage you from wading into the detail, because, in addition to being interesting and informative, it's good clean fun.

i won't type the names here and be guilty of perpetuating the media overkill on them, but i'm betting you'll easily be able to guess who among the republicans lost out to charlie sheen in the head-to-head beauty contest question among both independent and democrat voters. (republicans were no less silly, ranking mr sheen ahead of our sitting president in their estimation, so this is equal opportunity nonsense we're talking about here). the pollsters were especially impressed by all this, since charlie sheen rates only barely above rod blagojevich as the least-popular personality about whom they've ever polled. (john edwards came in 3rd).

just goes to show you that the winter and all the bad global news hasn't dulled our collective sense of humor, and i take that as a very good sign.

winning!

what is convertible weather?

for years i've been of the opinion, and if i were to be elected king, it would be of legal requirement, that people owning convertibles driving around with the top up on days where it is otherwise compelling to have the top down should have them confiscated and given to people who can better appreciate them. like the bhutanese understand and their great king jigme singye wangchuck first posited back in '72, it's all about gross national happiness, and measuring anything else, when you get right down to it and when all is said and done in this lifetime, is just plain sad.

well, yes, one of the first challenges to enacting such a law would be determining when, exactly, it becomes convertible weather, and so i've already put some thought into that. in california, for example, the popular opinion is apparently only between the temperatures of 72 and 74 and when it's not too cloudy or not too sunny, and, yeah, the whole state would likely be empty of drop tops within weeks of my coronation. here in the great state of massachusetts, we absolutely know better, though the guy in that frost blue audi tt that i blew past on my way to the lowell connector this morning would have lost his today for sure. simply put, if it's not raining or snowing, and there isn't leftover precipitation or melt on the roadway, (road spray can wreak havoc on your wax job, not to mention your hair), then it's a simple calculation. if it's above 50 and the sun is out, or if it's anything else and above 60 degrees, then it's convertible weather. (optional coats and gloves for the driver, and blankets for passengers as needed below those levels for those who are truly into it, and you know i've been out with the top down when it's been in the 40's, and does that surprise you?). it's really very simple.

economically speaking, and i have to repeat jigme singye wangchuck's prescience on this, owning a convertible can never be fully understood by people who worry about how much it costs to buy one. the truth is, save for rollovers and the ravages of road salt, soft tops differ very little from hard ones with the single possible exception of the addition of a moderate bit of road noise. if you have space to garage one out of the elements, (sun wreaks havoc on canvas), you have everything you need to consider investing in one. the costs are an additional bit of insurance and excise tax, (sadly, insurers don't give you a break to the degree that owning and driving a convertible reduces the amount of time and risk you spend driving your other car, but that's the second law i'd pass upon coronation), and the benefits are a vehicle that will appreciate, not depreciate, and a significant reduction in the wear and tear on your primary vehicle that you will not be driving under the aforesaid weather conditions because you will be driving your pride and topless joy. (speaking of which, and nods to my friend, ken, but the best words for yesterday are absolutely "erin-go-bragh-less", but i digress, but not to the degree to which you might think, since the other thing that convertibles do for you, in addition to making you feel like a million bucks when you drive one, is that they do wonders for your love life, and that's a guarantee).

so, yes, that was me flying around town earlier today on my quest for nirvana and a massachusetts state inspection sticker. (speaking of which, those of you wise enough to have discovered the hidden gem that is louis' garage on jackson street will perhaps already know that michael, the new owner, will be up and running for inspections this coming monday as the state transfer paperwork is completed, and that all the mechanics you know, trust and love are staying on, so perhaps you will be seeing me there, but, you know, that depends on whether or not it might be raining, but not that the temperature might be anywhere north of 40 degrees).

live a little, love a little, and get out of the house this weekend. you deserve it. and it'll make you happy.

halftime review

the morning after st patrick's day and the midpoint to (the most recent of) tyngsborough carl johnson's six day weekend seems an opportune moment to review where we've been, and what will be the plan for the big second half. you read the recap of tuesday's memorable moments already, so i can add first of all that d-tension's major's wednesday's trivia was its usual not-to-be-missed ball. (can you name who was starting QB before bledsoe without looking it up?) the open mic with matt siopes over at the back page was, too, and i'm not just saying that because i was sitting at a table with two of the youngest, cutest women in the club. (i was, and you can look that one up, too).

last night was, of course, a barrel full of irish monkey fun, and you just can't find words to do justice to st patrick's day in lowell. i had $5 corned-beef-sandwich-and-a-drafts, plus my atkins-obsessed party-mate's drafts too, for $5 over at voices rock club, and thoroughly enjoyed the big trouble. (oh, and i liked the band, big trouble, too!) carl had his marshall out for this one, juan was in impeccable form on lead vocals and bass, and george was hitting the kit his usual 1000%, and it was very, very good. nice and loud and good good good. there was birthday cake for celia (that's the beauty of st patrick's birthdays--you don't have to know everyone to celebrate) and then cupcakes over at fortunato's while corey b, jared ambrose, mark mcelligott and bryan macauslan ran through u2's joshua tree album from front to back. (harpoon's from the bottle cuz they don't have 'em on tap there, but no place is perfect). FUN.

other highlights of the evening included watching a woman not in a fireman's uniform piloting the big pumper truck down middle street, (nothing says "party" like being given a chance to drive a big rig through downtown lowell), and enjoying the variety of party attire (i liked one woman's green t-shirt inviting the world to "rub for luck", though, best for me and for her, i resisted the offer) festooned about the party public. concerned followers of the blog can rest assured i was home in bed by midnight, so as to save up the required energy to keep the six-day celebration going.

tonight it's jen kearney and the lost onion and big ben hillman and the royal family and d-tension's CD release party ("wack music for dope people") at (ugh, i can't believe i have to say it, let alone actual GO there) gemstones, with side trips back to fortunato's (when i just can't take it any longer) to catch dave norton and his trio playing there. can't say enough good things about jen kearney, and especially when she's playing in front of this lineup including the massachusetts return of miss claire finley (aka lady b) on bass. (yup, carl, too, with pete maclean and mark mullins). there's also much to be said for lowell's own d-tension and his new music. if you aren't dancing, shouting along with the chorus, and laughing your ass off at his amazing stuff, you aren't alive. get your original issue signed copy of the new cd while you can--it's HOT.

saturday night it's shirley lewis and the movers at furey's, (other reasonable substitutes including the preservation hall jazz band at symphony hall in boston, as well as a somewhat private somewhat not house party at one of lowell's musical luminaries' house, though to get the actual details on something like that you actually have to get out and get to know the musicians, a habit which i can highly and heartily endorse). sunday it's the exhibition at the all arts gallery, (nods to emily schroer whose stuff i'm very much looking forward to see), followed by the goodtime string band at fortunato's. you know there's more around town, too--look it all up on cometolowell.com--and do yourself the favor of living a little.

it's a beautiful weekend to be out in the big city.

see you!

finance in the time of cholera

going for the record here--i don't think i've ever (if you can believe it--i know it always seems like more) posted six in a day, but here it is:

some weeks ago, as the market climbed back up to its 2-year high, i dutifully did what i have learned is best to do in any long-term bull market--sell. no, i didn't liquidate and fire-sale everything and risk being left behind by a continued run. no, i carefully evaluated everything on the basis of its PE ratios and other both empirical and subjective merits, and identified the things which seemed to have become overvalued, and sold the stuff it no longer made sense to own. this, of course, left me holding cash in an overpriced market, with little compelling to consider to buy, but such is the duty of a disciplined value investor. as anyone holding real estate these days might tell you--cash is not always a bad thing to be rich in.

well, not rich, as i'm just a poor wage slave moving the piles around within his carefully accumulated IRA, but it's more money in one place than i've ever had before in my life, and it's got to last me through retirement and the inevitable implosion of our insolvent social security system, so it can never be large enough.

anyway...

things look pretty bleak in japan, and pretty heinous in libya, and no better settled in afghanistan no matter what general petraeus might want us to believe, (don't you just love supposed optimism copiously covered in words like "reversible"), and lo and behold the market is tanking just as everyone knows is logical that it should. a lot of investors are gritting their teeth and feeling the full body slam of watching their assets evaporate, but those of us who paid attention in business school to the boring tenets of value investing, (the patron saint of which being warren buffet), and ignored the siren song of flashier techniques such as hedge fund speculation and other flavors of momentum investing, are sitting on our little piles and understanding that the time is now to start shopping for our bargains. (or, as warren prefers to put it, "quality companies at reasonable prices).

not sure if i'll be in this week, or waiting some more, but the better point is that i'll be watching for the value to become apparent, and making my purchases accordingly. the beauty of value investing is that even when the market continues downward, the underlying value of what you've bought doesn't change. those shares of enterprise bank here in lowell (up 30% since last fall) could drop that whole 30% again, but you still know they'll come back up for no better reason than that is what they're worth. you just have to be patient. (those of us still years and years away from paying off the end of the alimony understand patient).

the other point to bear in mind is that investing is not something that requires outrageous stakes to get started. shares in enterprise bank, while we're discussing it, were $10 this past fall, meaning you could buy 100 shares for the price of having saved $20 a week for a year. (and you'd be up $300 on that $1000 right now, too). of course past experience is no indicator of future performance, and, not for nothing, but at closer to $15 the shares in enterprise bank aren't nearly the bargain they were at closer to $10, so i wouldn't be so quick to recommend them if you aren't already invested, but you can make up your own mind by taking a look at their public filings. it's a very well-run and profitable bank. and it's local. that's winning, as your cousin charlie would say, though he'd also be best advised to warn you it's best not to be overly invested in one place, lest everything go south in a flood, as could very well occur in the next few weeks, but let's stay positive, shall we?

hope you've got a little something with which to invest in the aftermath of all these disasters and human tragedies. in a very real way, it's our investments that will help people the most recover from their horrors. those distracted by the profit will fail to understand the better nature of our capitalist philosophy, and miss the fact that when markets are allowed to reward that which is most valuable to people, they do. i'm looking at japanese companies most seriously of all.

this week's carl johnson six-day weekend

this is by no means an exhaustive list, and it obviously short-shrifts some amazing musical and other holiday and non-holiday-themed entertainment and fun that i will have forgotten to mention, but it's a place to start, and it's my version of this week's carl johnson six-day weekend:

day 1: tuesday night's carl johnson & friends (with special guest stephe clements, plus a suprise appearance and debut of new material by peter lavender) over at voices rock club. yes, this one is already in the past, but if we're going to count up to six, we have to start at one. (and if you haven't yet caught "there's a leak in the laundry room", let me be the first to recommend it and the rest of the ongoing songwriting collaboration by mssrs johnson and kenyon and lavender).

day 2: wednesday night's carl johnson solo acoustic show at the bull run in shirley, not to be confused with the other shirley who will be coming up in just a few lines here. he's warming up for his full band show in the big room in a few weeks, and if there's any reason to venture the 30 or 40 minutes to shirley on a wednesday night, this right here is it. of course, not all of us might be looking forward to driving that kind of distance in this kind of weather, so, just for us matty siopes is hosting the open mic down at the back page in downtown lowell tonight. if you haven't seen the space, treat yourself, and if you haven't heard matt play, treat yourself double. he and his band alligator wine ripped the roof off the place last time i was able to make it to the open mic hosted by none other than jen kearney, and you know matt's already got a top-shelf lineup of guest musicians looking forward to working their chops tonight now that it's his turn to host. hats off to evan goodrow for lining up such a great lineup of talent for these things, (next week it's "ed'n me" with ed newton and nicky ribaudo), and you really should get down to see it. (which reminds me to remind you that tuesday nights are open mic comedy nights there, too, which rock as well). edited to add, and i can't believe i missed this: wednesday nights are the dopest trivia nights in the city, with d-tension over at major's pub. you know most trivia nights--they're lame and silly, kinda like q&a karaoke, but this is trivia like you've never seen trivia before. dee researches and writes the questions himself, not out of some lame-ass sports/movies/worthless knowledge cue-book, but out of local and other stuff that has the highest palm-to-forehead "i KNOW this, but i just can't quite..." ratio of all the stuff that's out there going. and until you've heard him running the show, you ain't heard an MC, period. git thar!

day 3: thursday's all day evacuation day st patricks day thurs day extravaganza. carl is again on the bill here, as part of big trouble, playing over at voices rock club at 7pm, meaning you can get your green beer and corned beef dinner special ($5 for a pbr and a sandwich--i'm not making this up) underway early and still not miss anything else you might have had planned. speaking for myself, i can share plans to catch corey b (with jared ambrose and mark mcelligott) over at fortunato's, (yes, irish and italian are a classic combination--you know that!), where they will reportedly and reputedly be attempting a verbatim cover of u2's joshua tree without rehearsal, but anyone who knows the talents of these three, and their devotion to the album, will know to not miss this. there's also the opportunity to join the many groups of pub crawling revelers through the downtown irish and otherwise establishment scene, so i'm sure you can find a party.

day 4: friday it's jen kearney and the lost onion, complete with the massachusetts return of miss claire finley, aka lady b, from her SRO tour of the great state of colorado, along with jen, pete maclean, carl johnson (there he is AGAIN!) and mark mullins, playing multiple sets before and after big ben hillman and the royal family, and setting the stage for lowell's own d-tension and his local cd release party for his new recording "wack music for dope people". if you've seen the video's from dee's release, already you know--this is going to be a KILLER night. jen. big ben. dee. one stage. one night only. be there! (oh, yeah, the one bad part--it's at gemstones, but i'm here to tell you that jen kearney can absolutely make that room work--i've seen her do it over and over already, despite almost everyone else on the planet failing--and i'm going to plan my next "i'll never go there again" rant for first thing on saturday--you should totally catch this show, it'll be one to remember).

day 5: saturday night at furey's cafe, with the paul speidel duo and none other than the immortal shirley lewis. i wrote about this one too--talent like this in such an intimate setting is something never to miss. and if you haven't discovered the economics of furey's, aka $10 for 3 pbr's and a cheeseburger, you haven't discovered what it's like to feel like you're living like a king. bring $20 and go all out. you will not find a better entertainment value anywhere, anytime. ever. and you won't find better entertainment, either. shirley lewis is the real deal. folks preferring pretension and inclined to make the investment can catch the preservation hall jazz band (do you have any of their cd's? get some!!!) down at symphony hall in boston. if it weren't for shirley lewis for free, i would absolutely consider investing $40 in this one, but i'll leave your choices up to you.

day 6: it's why they call it the carl johnson six-day weekend, after all. sunday is a day for relaxing, and this sunday the place to let yourself unwind will be strolling through the exhibits at the all arts gallery in the old revolving museum space at the corner of middle and shattuck streets in beautiful downtown lowell massachusetts. my personal objectives include sculptures by local luminary emily schroer, (i have some of her mill-themed collage art here at the private gallery, and it's beautiful), but you'll undoubtedly find tons of wonderful stuff in and among the collection. from there it's a short stroll back up middle street to fortunato's, where the goodtime string band will be performing (it's always about the music for me--you know that) later, but still early enough in the evening to leave you plenty of time to be well-rested for work on monday morning.

like any marathon, the objective is to still be running strong at the end--none of this is suggested to wear you down or wear you out. most of it wraps up well before the 11 o'clock news, and if you stay out later, it's because you NEED to, not because you have to. and i can speak first-hand to say that life lives that much better when it's filled with music like this. yeah, thursday and friday and saturday nights might run a bit later, but i'm telling you right now the entire six-day thing can be had for you for the investment of a weekend afternoon nap or two, and no more than $90, (or far less if you just pick and choose among the options), and that's going to include corned beef sandwiches and cheeseburgers on top of some very tasty libations. (harpoon drafts at voices are $3.50, if you hadn't discovered that bargain in town yet). if you're asking for recommendations, i'll highlight jklo, big ben and d-tension on friday, and shirley lewis on saturday, but this is by no means to suggest skipping any of the rest--just letting you in on what i consider to be the potential highlights. as usual, the actual highlights will only become apparent as you experience them. the joshua tree could be it. or the corned beef. you never know until you endeavor to know. so go!

see you out and about!

how did i miss this one!!!

in 1995, an itinerant and unheralded jump blues outfit from concord, new hampshire wandered down to allston to join in the harpers ferry battle of the blues bands, and kicked boston's collective ass. the movers took that title on to not just the national, but INTERnational blues band finals in memphis, tennessee, and were the top honors winner that year. (yes, i remember all this stuff--you would too if you were there). they've been fronted by some of the best, and one of the best of that best would have to be boston's own shirley lewis. ("you can have my husband, but please don't mess with my man"). i first saw shirley lewis with the movers in what must have been 1987 or 1988, shortly before i lost my way and found myself married to someone who did not understand or love nearly as much as i did shirley lewis and the movers. (i should have paid more careful attention to the implications of that, that's for sure). shirley's is one of those talents it's always worth the effort to see, and what do i see today but the event notification i've missed until now, that shirley lewis is playing with the paul speidel duo at furey's cafe this very saturday night.

no, sadly, not the movers, (i don't believe they're playing together anymore), but paul speidel's resume is pretty damn impressive all and of its own, (j geils band, duke robillard, james montgomery, etc.), and when you put shirley lewis' voice front and center on top of all that, you have a must-see evening cooking right there. and it's right here in beautiful downtown shangri-lowell. saturday night.

best place on earth.

the end of days

the mayans are giving us a few more months yet, but the commonwealth of massachusetts has piled on to earthquakes, tsunamis and meltdowns on the pacific rim and declared that all state AND MUNICIPAL offices are to be open on both bunker hill day, (ok, i'm sure we'd be willing to negotiate on that one), AND evacuation day.

end of days.

careful readers and fans of history will pause a moment to nod to the memory of james michael curley and his inspired suggestion that even the brahmins couldn't object to observing evacuation day (i wonder if the bluebloods ever saw it coming...) and genuflect to the highest of high-minded ideals--the trek of colonel henry knox to ticonderoga in the dead of winter to retrieve cannons and siege pieces from the works there to place on the heights above and below boston. it's a story rarely matched in history for derring-do, panache and military effectiveness--the british army and navy must have been flabbergasted to see what, to that point, they hardly respected as a respectable fighting force impotently ringing their previously-impregnable position within the peninsular city of boston, producing out of veritable thin winter air the hardware that only "real" armies were supposed to possess. insult to injury, the un-regimented rabble removed to breeds hill from bunker hill mowed down the king's pride with such ruthless effectiveness during their hopeful red-coated sally to displace the guns, that only the colonials' running out of ammunition saved the english army from complete and total annihilation. celebrate we should the spirit of '76 in its rawest and truest form.

of course, astute calendar-minders then must always chuckle at the verdant coincidence that curley's beloved st patrick might also have his own day in the city of boston and environs, but, alas, alack and alarm, the general court of the commonwealth of massachusetts has this year pulled the governmental budget out from under the whole thing, and we're left to quaff green beer and chow down on corned beef sandwiches on our own time.

end of days.

leadership

last night someone (ok, it might have been me) made reference to the estimable carl johnson using a playfully anachronistic term, "bandleader", and immediately the self-deprecation thing that all truly gifted people have in common kicked in and he poked fun at his own "leadership" in a way that got me thinking this morning about what that really means. if we were to put, say, moammar g. at one end of the leadership spectrum, (i.e. the one where it's not really leadership at all--just coercion and intimidation), at the other end would be a fascinating mix of talents and characteristics among which we would absolutely find "by example". i happened to have brought a camera last night with the intention of capturing arte k on the u-bass among whatever else might pop up, and the first shot out of the roll (memory card?) was this grainy, out-of-focus and poorly-framed shot that i find now to be more than the sum of its parts. my intent was just to test the lighting and find out if the battery was working, but looking more closely at what has been captured i see several extremely clear and compelling things that make this, to me, at least, a keeper.

first of all, you know carl is having a great time. they haven't even started playing yet, (this was even before they warmed up--just plugging in and making sure the sound was working, which makes the subject happily coincident with the photograph in that random respect), but carl is having that better time that you wish yourself and more people can find in their lives more often, and it shows. part of that, i'm sure, is that he knows he's getting to play with arte k and stephe c, which would make most any musician supremely happy, but the other part of it is that carl has that something that everyone to which everyone around him always wants to be closer and it's very hard to put a good word on that. it's no coincidence that both stephe and arte are facing carl and no one and no where else in the room.

so carl won't let us call it "leadership", and he'll "aw shucks" his way through being the headline musical personality, but the reason so many remarkably talented musicians want to play where carl wants to play is that carl wants to play there. (for example, miss claire finley, aka lady b, will be at voices next week, and if you haven't yet seen claire play, you have a huge tuesday night treat in store for yourself for sure--and it's 8pm so you can catch a set and still be home in time for a full and restful night sleep, so no excuses!). part of it is talent, no question. but there's more to it than that. you can be the judge, but you have to come down to see it first!

more "you have to see it" photography

i had the musical good fortune to catch carl johnson's tuesday night music experience at voices rock club yesterday, and the foresight to bring a camera, so you have this today to beat yourself up about not seeing (and hearing) last night.the unreasonably handsome gentleman in the photo is the one and only arte k, known to lowell music aficionados for his solo performances at fortunato's, his headline gigs there and at 31 main in ayer and elsewhere with the arte k band, and his ensemble contributions all over the region as the rhythm section heart of red devil lye, the carl johnson trio, the peter lavender band and many others. if such talent weren't enough, last night arte pulled out what you can see right here, which would have been the highlight of the evening, were it not for carl's lyrics to peter lavender's latest, which would be "there's a leak in the laundry room".

as you can see but might not yet know, arte's playing a kala u-bass which, if you haven't heard it or seen it before, is a remarkable instrument that produces full, rich bass tones that will have you and everyone else in the room looking around to find the big fiddle. in the hands of lesser players that's amazing enough, but arte picked it up last night and made it glow. at some point, i can just about guarantee you that arte will be joining carl (on his cigar-box guitar, natch) and stephen clements down at 31 main in ayer with this thing, and it will be an experience you will not want to miss.

until then, you can be jealous of me for having caught the experience live last night, i won't mind.

eight pictures worth 1000 times more than 1000 words each

a friend linked this for me from the ny times site:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/03/13/world/asia/satellite-photos-japan-before-and-after-tsunami.html

you've seen the "after" pictures, but here are eight, taken via satellite, where the "before" can be compared directly. just move the sliders back and forth to go from civilization to apocalypse. and remember to sit down first--i've rarely seen such gut-punching images in my life, even without being able to see close-up the personal scale of the devastation. every home wiped from the face of the earth once held a family, with hopes, dreams and love--and they are all gone. all gone.

a profound disaster i will wager right now to be the worst in the world's history in terms of ultimate natural devastation. only humans can wreak destruction upon themselves on a larger scale than this.

positioning and messaging

among other things, i have the dubious opportunity (bordering on responsibility when you consider my salary relative to child support and alimony obligations and the truth that i can earn this amount virtually nowhere else) to ply my living doing something the unintentional comedians in my organization and elsewhere enjoy to call "positioning and messaging".

aside from the obvious and ridiculous pretentiousness of our collective and apparent obsession with verbing nouns, there's such a profound absence of actual meaning in the output that it would make all but the most cynical political apparatchiks blush. (e.g. today's objective is to develop language that will allow us to "amplify our differentiation", including such winning phrases as "ad-hoc reasoning processes", "heterogenous data models", "complete integrated suites of solutions" that offer "unrivalled [sic] performance and effectiveness to empowered workers", complete with a "harmonized user experience", "overall quality of outcome", and, my personal favorite, "best practices").

want to know why my stuff is better/faster/cheaper/different? so do i.

actual and plain english is rapidly disappearing from the face of this earth. at the one end, those of us educated and entrusted to actually know and use better seemingly refuse. at the other, as tony today cross-posted from marjorie arons-barron, and perhaps in punishment for our having done so little with the privilege, there appears to be a concentrated academic and scholarly effort being focused on eliminating the possibility for all time and all future generations.

businesses need to know what's happening, why it's happening, and what they can profitably do about it. my company, believe it or not, actually supplies systems that accomplish all three, but you'd never know it to listen to us.

where is lexington, new hampshire?

ever do a google search for lexington, nh?

yep, she said it. michele bachmann, at no fewer than two recent and different nh campaign stops, i mean speaking engagements, since she hasn't yet (nor may she after this one) declared any presidential candidacy, credited the great state of new hampshire with having "fired the shot heard round the world". obvious from her remarks is her ignorance of the coincidental naming of the new hampshire state capitol with the more belligerent massachusetts town to the south, as well as fundamental grade-school american history. her retort after having been called out? "so i misplaced the battles concord and lexington by saying they were in new hampshire. it was my mistake, massachusetts is where they happened. new hampshire is where they are still proud of it!"

gop consultant mike murphy went deeper than my ken for the best line i've yet seen on the gaffe, observing that bachmann "makes sarah palin look like count metternich". (did you know that henry kissinger wrote his harvard doctoral dissertation on said count? i do now!)

as for any potential point of pride, i've never heard anyone from new hampshire taking any from even an inch south of their southern border, nor need they. as for the implication that we here in the greatest state in the union might be lacking, let me just say that i am, as are all patriotic sons and daughters of massachusetts, constantly and profoundly offended by certain political opportunists' misappropriation of the revolutionary spirit and heritage of our commonwealth, from the original tea party, straight through our forcing of the evacuation of boston on march 17th of 1776 (otherwise known in less-patriotic locales these days as st patrick's day) and including the battles at lexington and concord, bunker and breeds hill, and many others as well. doubt us? look up daniel shays and his eponymous rebellion, and consider that nowhere else in this continent has a common population ever as many times stood up to power and demanded fair rights and treatment in the same way or with the same profound results.

yes, without her committees of correspondence and her steadfast and intrepid militia companies rising at the proverbial minute's notice to repel the british military invasion of the massachusetts countryside, (most remarkable in its similarity to colonel moammar's present libyan misadventures), the union formed by the commonwealth of massachusetts and a dozen other copycats quite literally would not exist. any suggestion otherwise by the bandwagon jumpers everywhere else in this country, railing "tea party" against a representative government they neither understand nor respect, is galling to the extreme. yes, we need to stand up these days to our own federal government to recover our forebears' promise of a government of, for and by the people. but, no, the real representatives of welfare states and welfare loafers aren't here in massachusetts. (i've written before of this analysis of federal tax dollars collected vs spent on a state-by-state basis, and did you know that michele bachmann herself is personally the unapologetic recipient of a quarter of a million dollars in federal farm subsidies?).

liberal and conservative, there are toadies and there are free americans expressing honest opinions, but telling them apart is as difficult as it is critically important. trying to insert oneself in front of a idea one neither understands nor respects is the lowest form of political low.

i have no idea how this ends

one of the basic ongoing catastrophes that is miring iraq in semi-permanent cultural and political entropy is the fundamental inadequacy and instability of its power grid. you can't run a business if the machines keep blinking off with every rolling blackout, and no business means no paychecks and it's not hard to see where things inevitably go from there.

the historically catastrophic earthquake and tsunami in japan has left in its wake an eerily similar problem of staggering proportions. fully 1/3 of japan's electricity is generated via nuclear power, (their strategic answer to the '73 oil crisis, as opposed to our "let's wreck the nation via endless dependence on crude oil" policies), and now almost fully 10% of their nuclear capacity is crashed and burned (that we know of) in quake-damaged shutdowns, complete with explosions, radiation leaks and still-possible core meltdowns.

what i don't know about power grids is almost all of it, but i do know that the generation of electricity is made particularly devilish by the need to exactly balance demand with supply on a nanosecond to nanosecond basis. draw too much current, and the whole thing topples over like an overtaxed and overplayed jenga tower. generate too much, and ibid. take even 10% of 1/3 of the total offline, and watch the tower sway in the balance as if in an earthquake that just won't end.

japan's one advantage will be its educated and informed populace, who will be relied upon to fundamentally alter their entire way of living in order to accommodate nature's harsh reality. industry and daily living will require hard choices and harder sacrifice, and it's not easy to figure out how it all ends. generally, it's those forced to go on living who learn the full depth of catastrophe. there but for the grace of god, mother nature, and the fickle finger of fate go us all.

here's a link to one enterprising response to the challenge, which marries the power of social media with the basic human need to help. a wise person once explained to me how to calculate "how much?" by simply giving until it feels good. hard to know when we can ever, but, until then, here's a fine place to start:

https://www.fundly.com/redcrossjapan

caveat caveat cives

thanks to justin howard at the northern middlesex council of governments, i've been further informed, as is also noted within the city of lowell web site, that the date of incorporation for lowell, despite what might be implied by all those "entering lowell" signs, is 1836, not 1826. 1826 would be the date of the city's founding. i'm not sure i fully understand the distinction between founding and incorporation as is being made here, but apparently the commonwealth prefers the implication of age, while the council and the city stick to the letter of the legal incorporation law, and we have web sites with pictures of one and captions of the other. here's the city talking about both.

either way, it's more fun with numbers, and ya learn sumthin new every day.

caveat cives

searching for the right image to append to the previous (following, if you're reading in blog order) post i considered an image on the northern middlesex council of governments website, which is a quasi-official-government site linking the community pages for billerica, chelmsford, dracut, dunstable, lowell, pepperell, tewksbury, tyngsborough and westford, and i say "quasi" because if you'll look carefully at the lowell information page, you'll notice it errs in suggesting the great city of lowell was founded in 1836, and not 1826, which would be the correct year.

there's an email address to which to send suggested updates, so i'm sending one this morning. until any action might ensue, keep paying your taxes, but caveat cives.

edited to add the necessity to refer to the next (preceding in blog order) post that clarifies my subtle mistake here. i said here "founded", and i was correct as far as that goes, but "founded" and "incorporated" are two different distinctions, and it's actually the commonwealth of massachusetts "entering" signs that have it wrong, and, hence cause the confusion. thanks to justin howard of the northern middlesex council of governments that has it all straight--lowell was incorporated in 1836, though founded in 1826. the NMCOG site specifies "incorporated" and is correct. the signs, as pictured, say "incorporated" but get the year wrong. ya learn sumthin new every day.

i had it again this morning, in the foggy drizzle coming in from the east on andover street after a long night's flight--that feeling of HOME that only one place in the world can give me.

marketing

marketing is, among other things, the "art" of making people look forward to giving you their money. for one example, the cover at the "nightclub" in the "resort hotel and casino" where i find myself is $50. for that you get "interactive projections", "stunning models/servers", "nouveau classic cocktails" (oxymoron much?), and "classic lounge tunes, european-influenced vocal house blends and mainstream top 40". and the genius of marketing ensures that they're actually making money at this. (you should see the game they play with the velvet rope at the door, giving folks that instant of approval while they're handing over their almost-maxed-out visa debit cards...)

if i were to add up the cost of "partying" here, even considering the "cheap" airline tickets and hotel rooms that lure you into considering it, (i'm here for $350 and $120 a night), with their $75 steaks, ($30 buffets if you're cheap), $10 beers and $50 nightclub covers, it doesn't take long to imagine a far better time in far better places. even the hooters approach, with $20 rooms, $9.95 prime ribs and $1.50 bud lights, still leaves you with not a whole lot of fun for your money when it all comes right down to it. you're still sitting next to a cigarette chaining asshole who is barking at his girlfriend to shut up and keep the kids quiet while he tries to win back next month's rent. (you didn't think they'd actually be married to each other, did you, even with the drive-thru chapel down the street?).

oh, sure, the clientele is "classier" at the more exclusive (i.e. more expensive) gaming areas, but mojo nixon nailed that one when he pointed out that princess di was just a drunk, divorced floozy, and it's all the same no matter how fancily you dress it and yourself up and pretend.

"you're supposed to sit on your ass and nod at stupid things
man that's hard to do
and if you don't they'll screw you
and if you do they'll screw you too

when i'm standing in the middle of the diamond all alone
i always play to win when it comes to skin and bone

and sometimes i say things i shouldn't, like..."

when you think about it

actually walking on the street outside the faux glitz of the las vegas strip, (it's amazing how few people from inside actually venture outside), you can understand more clearly what they mean when they say "lost wages". taking for one example the homeless guy asking drunk-politely for quarters outside the hooters casino hotel, ("one block from the strip with rooms starting at $20"), it's hard to look at even the change in ones pocket in the same way. rationalization perhaps protects those not habituated to the gambling tables and slot machines with the idea that the charity extended in a balanced life can be present even when spur-of-the-moment generosity is not. however, common christianity (you know, the *real* kind, not the organized pyramid scheme kind) and common sense would remind those whose hand remains in their pocket in that moment that "the least of these" has yet again gone without succor.

yet, as sadly as this makes me feel about myself and those in need of more help at this moment, i still can't help but consider that all those hands reaching into pockets "inside", and feeding the ever-gaping maw of the casino thievery machines like the sotted automatons they are, are making an even emptier and cynical choice. their action, proclaiming eloquently ahead of any possible word they might raise in argumentative protest against the aspersion, is to say that even the remotest chance of winning *more* than they already have is worth more to them than considering the needs of anyone blessed with less. (after all, they "worked" for that money, didn't they...) in fact, in their actions they're proclaiming loudly that they'd rather throw away their money than see it go to better use, or into the hands of anyone less fortunate--even their own children. (i'm not sure which is more depressing--the homeless guys outside, or the army of strollers inside).

imagine a world where the lights flash and the cheers arise from when money is invested in other people, and not thrown to the bottomless pit of "the house". imgaine a world where you could actually find a real beer, and not be buried in an avalanche of aluminum-ensconced artificially-citrus-flavored mass-market "malt beverages" at every turn. imagine a world where music was not donny and marie, barry manilow, (yes, he's back), celine dion and whatever is left of reality when it becomes not santana, but "supernatural santana: a trip through the hits".

would my life be enriched if i had "legal" money on the bruins tonight? would the game be any better? does my cynical understanding of the true nature of "the odds", and my general inability to enjoy making losing bets on the off chance that i might win one, make me a wet blanket and the one guy who just can't seem to have fun in vegas?

well, i know there are at least two of us, and one of us slept indoors last night...

vegas vs shangri-lowell

there's a lot in common between the two when you start at the bottom. oh, there's an awful lot more neon and flash and gawdy extravagance here in sin city, but the cheap price put on self-respect and civic pride (there is more garbage and homeless people on the sidewalks here than anywhere i can remember that's not new york city circa 1975) is something that anyone familiar with the rougher edges of lowell will readily recognize. (seriously, have you seen what the melting snow is revealing about our collective personal habits these days?)

the part that i like least about having to be here is feeling the distance between the world on this side of the glass (i'm in one of those gawd-awful "resort" hotel and casinos, trapped between a character-less hotel room and a soul-less conference center, with only buffet food and hotel tv in between), and the one on the other. true, they have actual weather out there, but they also lack any shot at all at the piles of filthy lucre that are being collected along with souls of the chain-smoking, bud-light-swilling hordes of walmart refugees mindlessly wandering the halls, and it's clearly dire.

"art" here is a caricature of itself, and whatever passes for "entertainment" is worse, and it's all never better illustrated than by the disaffected expressions on the faces of the attendants in the lion habitat (even the fake stuff is behind glass here) trying to coax some sort of playful mien out of the even-more-bored felines in their tank. i could feel the emptiness of it all literally choking life out of everyone and everything around...

the worst of it all is the empty depravity of it. there is no art, entertainment or wealth being created here--only the twin industries of exploitation and confiscation. say what you will about lowell, but it's honesty and it's grit are hard-won and genuine. the art is real. the entertainment is from the heart. the economic engine that was born with the mills still chugs along as best it can, offering at least a fighting chance to all.

there's nothing that makes one more proud to be from lowell than having to be anywhere else.

can't wait to get home!

monkey hips and rice

it's easy to be cynical about the music business--everybody seems to lose, not least of all the fans, and so few musicians ever get to make a fair living from their music.

these days, apple and their itunes have attempted to standardize a new digital distribution model, where it would seem that .99 cents per song ($1.29 if you want it to sound better) and $10 per CD (so funny that we still talk about such things when they're most notable via their disappearance) are the new going rates. however, this model introduces/perpetuates many new/old and pernicious distortions and inefficiencies, not least of all the challenge for new artists to get noticed ($10 is a lot to invest on music to which you may never listen twice) and for all artists to be paid fairly for their music while their distributors (the "suits") and label owners reach in for their pound of flesh.

my best case in point this morning is literally almost 60 years old--"the '5' royales"--and i'm willing to bet you may not have even ever heard of them before. i know i hadn't until relatively recently--a few years back--when i first caught james hunter in concert covering their 1953 "hit", "don't do it". (youtube is one of the greatest things ever invented in the history of the world). here's a guitar player, (first ever to put electric guitar feedback into a recording, among many other amazing innovative and mind-blowing things), lowman pauling, who could write as well as sam cooke, play as well as (better, actually, if you count the fact he was copied by him) eric clapton, and still be cheated by the record companies out of literally everything he earned for them. lowman (has there ever been a better rock and roll name?) wrote songs that made hits for james brown, (think), ray charles, (tell the truth), and the mamas and the papas (dedicated to the one i love). he inspired a generation of gospel-to-soul crossover singers, from sam cooke to otis redding to aretha franklin. he should rightfully be revered as one of the seminal influences to all the music that is popular over the past 60 years and today. (i can think of no more eloquent indictment of the "rock and roll hall of lame", with nods to mojo nixon, than the absence of mr. pauling in their establishment, and don't get me started because then we'll have to talk about warren zevon, and then we won't get anywhere).

anyway...

what is most remarkable to me, beyond the amazing quality of these recordings, is how difficult they are to come by, despite all these electronic digital download "services" that bombard us daily. if you google "monkey hips and rice", the anthology i'm proud to pay whatever it cost to own, you'll see that if you want to buy a new copy of this double cd set, you'll have to shell out $127 dollars. (on amazon). i'm not kidding. $127 american dollars. yeah, i know, the dollar ain't worth what it used to be, but this is well over ten times the "standard" going amount for music, which is testament to both its rarity, as well as its quality. i'll tell you it's worth every penny, and i'll also recommend buying used for less than $50, as i did, but it's still remarkable to me. (no, i will not pirate these things--these musicians put too much into them for me to ever be able to listen if i knew i'd pinched them). these records are amazing.

about his neighbor's monkey hips and rice, lowman puts it right: "my knife and fork, they really took a beating". your wallet may too, but it'll be the best money you've spent on music in a very, very long time.

or come on over anytime. it's in "heavy rotation" on my itunes. monkey hips and rice.

this takes paying some careful attention

attentive folks possibly noted that arte k had a gig last night at fortunato's in beautiful downtown shangri-lowell. (any time you have a chance to catch arte spinning his eclectic mix of originals and covers so delightfully rare and done so delightfully well that they become de facto originals, you know you should do it--he's that good).

well, anyway, carefully attentive folks might also have noted the rumors, proved true, that a particular local guitar player might be coming down to join arte, (all hail tyngsborough carl johnson), and for them the payoff was especially nice.

the two of them together, carl and arte, or arte and carl, or maybe we can start to say carte, or maybe even arl, are something more altogether. my theory is that playing together for as long as they have, as part of red devil lye, or the carl johnson band, or the arte k band, or the peter lavender band, or countless other projects, they've developed the kind of musical chemistry that comes along only once in that proverbial blue moon. arte's acoustic guitar is a perfect complement to his unique and uniquely perfect voice for his material, and carl's electric accompaniment is perfection squared when it's layered on top, and wrapped all around and through.

the crowd last night was light, but it was completely captivated. if you ever have the chance, keep your eye out for arte k night, and then your ear to the ground and all your grapevine detection skills at the ready, because if carl is joining in, then it's instantly into break-a-date territory to see them together. or, better still, BRING your date, and become an instant hero.

as for last night that you missed? well, all i can ask is, who's the luckiest guy you know? yup, milan lucic put the dagger into the heart of the 3rd-place tampa bay lightning, and then i walked out to enjoy yet another night to remember in BDSL. (beautiful downtown shangri-lowell, of course). (yeah, i guess i'm bragging...)